Soulfully Exposed

Demon in my view

2011-01-03T19:38:00.000-08:00

Since the gumdrop caddied days of my home terrain

To the glimmering lights which strip me of a pain; bare and plain

I have not felt like others do

Or seen myself; the hole way through

From the bleak optimistic week of new old habits

Through the resurrection of a bunny rabbit

On to celebrating battles which were won by others dying

Let us trick or treat and keep on lying

Past the changing of the season

Now my only fleeing reason

Always back to mid December

I alone

For as long as I can tranquilly remember

I have not felt like others do

Or seen myself; the hole way through

Love & Lies

2010-12-21T12:46:00.001-08:00

Lips of love and lies

Carry through it drenched skies and eyes

Please…

My sweet Dear

Why don’t whisper in my ear, all the things I so do fear

Say it for me, ever so softly

Please…

Once again you love and lie as we begin

As we sin

Over and over again

My oldest best friend

I trust you will defend me or at least pretend

Please…

Don’t lie to me

Please….

X

2010-06-15T10:57:00.001-07:00

This is just your sweet revenge

I want your face to cry

I need to haunt you like you haunt me

Yet if I am still alive

Go ahead and take my life

But don’t you ever forget a word I cried

You will be there in the night

I will be by your side

It might be a dream but at least I can hold you tight

I cannot seem to comprehend

How can I carry on?

This is not the way this story is suppose to end

I still need you all the time

I howl your name in the dark

I wish I could let you go

Significant

2010-06-08T12:38:00.001-07:00

I feel the sun blanket over me

Another day—has come my way

I breathe in slow and so deep inside

Then suddenly—I am here to stay

I wipe the night from my tired gaze

All other days—are placed so far away

I count my blessings and say a prayer of hope

Please bring us peace—is what I pray

Every day is so magnificent

This is so significant

I am so happy to see… today

Tears of Mine

2010-04-08T16:32:00.001-07:00

Tears are falling endlessly like waterfalls from heavens sky

The rain gathers all together in the desert where I wonder why

It took so long but at long last I spread my wings and learned to fly

Tears of sadness and of joy a mixture of these days gone bye

I smile while I softly weep it comforts me like homemade apple pie

Sunny days and dark filled nights that separate my conscious thoughts

I dream of purple lullabies that sing the songs my mother taught

With lovely little lady bugs which wear precious pendant on their dots

I sit atop a mountain peek with rainbow colored lollipops

My face appears and it is clear that all this time it is me I sought

Glowing amber majesties surrounds my being with a million smiles

And all the while my love and happiness begins to thrive and form a pile

Miles high into the sky and my tears of pain and joy I comprehend were just a test and trial

I can see my face again I take the world in with smile so new and versatile

That now my love can finally dial up to me and you will see that waiting was all worthwhile

Destroying me

2010-03-27T10:16:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I would just rather be,

Not me!

Not I…

Sometimes I would just rather die

It is hard enough to love myself

So why would anybody else?

I am afraid it is me,

It is me—it is just me

No one else—just me

My fault

My Burden

My fate

I am the problem

The trouble

The cause of my pain

What have I become?

Transform?

I wish I would

But I never could

And I never will

Only I

A very lonely guy

Look and see

I too bleed and breathe

And I can feel my heart beat

Although

I do not think that I am actually really alive

I am the problem

I am broken

Today :)

2010-03-25T16:13:00.000-07:00

I hope that this day—today

Treats you better than any day before in every single way

And everything you do and everything you say

Today; is the day!

Breathe in the day with a deep gasp

And exhale the past

Because today is your day

You own this point in time and space

Make a decision to seize the day, post-haste

Laugh until you shed a tear

Hold a loved one near and dear

Sing the words you want the world to hear

Smile, because today is the day

Live your life and let love

Give and you shall receive thereof

We can all be one

Today is the greatest day you have yet to realize

Rise up—today is your day, up up and away

If it so happened to be that today

is not the day

there is always tomorrow

When I Die

2010-03-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

Someday I will most certainly die

I hope today is not my day to bid you goodbye

If it is, then I am—I am ready to meet the sprit in the sky

Who can know when the time is to be, I cannot say

Hopefully I will be in a ripe old age with a book on a page that reads

"Everything will be okay"

Or to sacrifice my being for the life of another is a gift I can present

I would die for a chance to let you live and anything else I can give

All I ask of you is to please not lament

What if tragedy were to occur

I would prefer to survive long enough to kiss you goodbye

The fade away to a blur

Never could I foresee suicide as a means to an end

Then again—I never said

Is there such a thing as heaven or hell?

I cannot confirm nor deny

Never been, never seen

All I know is when I die bury me and plant a tree

So I can still feel a cool summer breeze

1+1=2

2010-03-15T12:38:00.000-07:00

When I wake up

I take up a moment

To remind myself

That everything will be alright

All day long

And all night

I try

I find myself

I smile

I laugh alone a while

I live

I love

I think of you

Thinking of me

And hopefully someday what could be

You and me

And it makes me smile

Makes me smile

In the meanwhile

I keep a smile

For miles

And miles

And miles

And miles

I breathe

I learn

I yearn for you

And your lovely smile

And it’s all worthwhile

Just to see you smile

See you smile

If I could see you smile

I know

I’ll grow

I believe

In me

I trust

In you

1+1 equals 2

And that makes me smile

Call on me

Let’s both see

How lovely

Life could be

If you just smiled for me

Misfit

2010-03-08T16:31:00.001-08:00

I am just a misfit; please ask me if I care

I feel so ugly and alone as I drag this comb across my hair

I look at you staring back at me and I don’t know how to feel

I wish I had something more than this, to make things seem for real

I sense that I am not really here at least that is my fear

I wash my face and hope that I will somehow reappear

I am just a misfit; please ask me if I care

I feel the world is against me as I settle on what to wear

I can’t take any more of this, please make it go away

I need to find a reason why I take the time to stay

I want to feel alive again without having to ache

I want to feel alive again without having to fake

I am just a misfit; please ask me if I care

I take a long deep breath and say a final prayer

I look outside and see the sunrise for me one final time

I know the sun has set on me but I finally feel sublime

You never asked me if I cared

I care more than you were ever aware

Now it’s too late

Fine

2010-03-01T12:47:00.001-08:00

I lie when you ask me

Almost every time

About everything

I sigh when I’m breathing

And I don’t know the reason why

I try not to breath

I cry just so I can feel

I smile just to hide

It hurts but it works

I try but I fall short

I collapse and stay down

I frown on the ground

I died if you knew me

I am gone but I am still here

I need you to need me

Sunshine

2010-02-25T20:08:00.000-08:00

Did you know that it rains every time you cry?

I can feel you weep from miles away

It hurts me down deep inside to see the clouds so gray

I however relish the pain

I like watching the puddles gather rain

And you are the reason why

It not that I like to see you cry

It is that I love to see you live

And I would give anything to never see it rain again

Sunshine

Did you know that your smile makes the sun shine?

I can see you smile from miles away

It makes my day that much better

Just take a look at the beautiful weather

A smile you provide to blanket all of mankind

It is the world that you remind

be serene

Be kind

I love to see the sunshine

Sunshine

The Cold

2009-12-16T12:17:00.001-08:00

Through my coat

Through the layers

Through my skin

All the way to my bones

“Shut your mouth!”

All I heard

A cause for concern

Oh my word

Did the cold just demand?

Did the cold just command?

Did the cold just demean the man that I am?

This coldness has seeped in through the seals

And proceeded to conceal

Any trace

Of my family jewels

So alone here I stand

No more than a toddler

No more than a man

Oh woe is me

2009-12-01T16:18:00.000-08:00

Woe is me

                Never mind

                                 Ever noticing

Feel me whisper

                        By no means

                                            Hear me blister

Feel me cry

                 In due time

                                  Hear me lie

My place is so unclear

My appearance is so austere

My feelings are so sincere

One thought—Persevere

Sally's Song (nightmare Before Christmas)

2009-11-30T15:32:00.001-08:00

I sense there's something in the wind

That feels like tragedy's at hand

And though I'd like to stand by him

Can't shake this feeling that I have

The worst is just around the bend

And does he notice my feelings for him?

And will he see how much he means to me?

I think it's not to be

What will become of my dear friend?

Where will his actions lead us then?

Although I'd like to join the crowd

In their enthusiastic cloud

Try as I may, it doesn't last

And will we ever end up together?

No, I think not, it's never to become

For I am not the one

Change

2009-11-30T15:30:00.001-08:00

I sense a change is coming

I experience it in the way the wind blows

I witness it in the colors the season shows

So fully exposed

I need

Change

A necessity to

Alter

A requisite to

Modify

A vital point to

Adjust

Or simply

Transition

Like the changing season

With

And

Without

Reason

Soulfully exposed

I am, you are

2009-11-06T09:38:00.000-08:00

I am

You are

She is

Me

And we are

Both together

For

Better

Or

For

Worse

Till death

Or a curse

Whichever hits worst

Or first

I’m dying

Mr. Heartache!

Why don’t you?

Take my pain away!

Damn I should have seen it coming

From the way you smiled on that day

You lied about loving me

I’m crying

Sitting in a purple room

I glace into the loom of my existence

Man this love thing sure can be persistent

I put up a fight but lost in the Resistance

I’m trying

Captured in a fairytale

This story won't end well

Damn I can sense it

Man I see the sunset

Plan you having fun yet

Never mind that I feel astray

I am the lonely

I am the only

That is what I am

The Week

2009-10-23T11:47:00.000-07:00

How I long for you

How I need you

How I wish it were Friday

But it is a Monday

And whatever the case

I am suffering from it

Monday means I am far away

As far away from you as I can be

It brings a sadness that shadows the sun

Like the pursuing rain clouds

Those always seem to be following me

Especially on a Monday

Tuesday much of the same

One word comes to mind

“Lame”

Tuesday is Monday without the football

Wednesday is referred to as “hump day”

I struggle up the seemly swelling lump of a hump

You would think that scaling down would be easy

There is this obstacle in the way

It is called; Thursday

By today I say “happy thirsty Thursday”

A drink, the only way I can make it through

Now a Friday is as strange of a day as can be

I still have to raise and be there on time

Where ever there might be

Only today

The necktie is loosened a bit

I truly feel like I come make it

Thank god its payday

This will keep me alive at least till you have returned

I see something in the horizon

I cannot believe my eyes

My love!

How I have missed you while you were away

Please come in and this time wouldn’t you stay

Beauty at its Best

2009-10-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

A flower blooms

A cloud cries

A mother’s growing womb

A baby bird spreads its wings and flies

A midnight moon gloom

A clear morning sky sunrise

How magnificent the world is

A breezy mist from the crashing sea

A shady flourishing apple tree

A Stunning mountain scenery

A busy bumble bee

How beautiful the world is

A child’s innocent laugh

A changing of the leaves

A towering long slender giraffe

A helping hand to relieve

Following your own path

A reason to believe

How wonderful the world is

Inside My Mind

2009-10-12T16:17:00.000-07:00

Inside my mind

I find I hide

But…

I have no way out

Inside my mind

I do comply still then I defy

But…

I am so worn out

Inside my mind

                                                       Things are awry and outside I imply

                                                        I am fine

But…

You will never figure me out

Inside my mind

I try to cry

But…

Not a tear comes out

Inside my mind

I tell a lie then hang you out to dry

But…

You never rat me out

Inside my mind

There lives a guy who hits me all the time

But…

He never knocks me out

Inside my mind

I feel like I could die, sigh

But…

You will never find out why

Inside my mind

I say good bye

For one last time

I fasten this black tie

Around my neckline

Then apply

Enough force for me to suffocate and die

I open my eyes wide

And I cry

But…

Then it feels like I can fly

I found a way out

lost

2009-10-12T13:19:00.000-07:00

The dream is over

I do not believe anymore

I do not conceive

I can become anything

I can become nothing

I became something

It was not what I wanted

Yet I do not know what it is I want

So how can I know where to go from here?

How can I go forward if I do not know which way I am facing?

I do still believe

I believe in me

I am just afraid

Afraid of what I do not know

I am afraid at this very moment

As I write this line

That at a quarter to nine

I will still not arrive

At the reason of why I am even alive

the little horse is newlY by E.E. Cummings

2009-10-07T15:29:00.000-07:00

the little horse is newlY

Born)he knows nothing,and feels

everything;all around whom is

perfectly a strange

ness(Of sun

light and of fragrance and of

Singing)is ev

erywhere(a welcom

ing dream:is amazing)

a worlD.and in

this world lies:smoothbeautifuL

ly folded;a(brea

thing a gro

Wing)silence,who;

is:somE

oNe.

Rocky Maivia

2009-10-06T10:04:00.000-07:00

To my fatty, Rocky Maivia

Rocky my vida

My best friend until the end

The baby boy this is your Papa

The Rock and roller

With an open shoulder and heart

Unconditional love

Wears paws not gloves

Answers “ruff” when I have had a rough day

I say “stay”, yet love does not listen

But everything will be alright with a couple of kisses

Just what I have been missing

I miss you

I miss all your hair

Everywhere

It is not anywhere

Anymore

I miss the way you snore

I miss your drooling and begging for food

I miss picking up your shit which I never thought I would

I miss you wagging your body for me

For no reason other than you are happy to see me

From the morning, afternoon to the night

I wish you were near

I wish you were here

ON

2009-10-06T09:22:00.001-07:00

On and on

On he kept on

Cautious in his technique

But on and on

On he kept striving

Silent when he speaks

on and on

On he kept talking

Strong in his beliefs

And on and on

On he kept praying

Struggling with money

Yet on and on

On he kept starving

Looking to the stars

On and on and on

He kept dreaming

On and on

On he kept on

A Glass of Half

2009-10-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

Half of a glass

Gloom and doom alas?

Delight and light surpass?

What rest within your glass?

Wine from a vine so divine it is hard to define

Or ale from a pale that is stale and simply fails

Chose a side of thine to uphold and abide

To wail your tale in detail atop of a bale

When you see the sun, do you shun away

Or come out to play

When you glance at blood, do you fret?

Or just the opposite

When the rains, does it pour?

Or do you reach for the door and go out and explore

As for me on all three I say yes

All are crucial for life to exist

As for my glass

It is not half full

It is not half empty

It simply has something inside

For me that is enough

youth and greed By Wolfsheim

2009-10-01T09:50:00.000-07:00

she once was 17 but she never fall in love

because she never felt the same

like the other ones at school

like all the other boys and girls around

misery - talk to me

youth and greed - walk with me

now she's 33 but there isn't anything

the really changed in her life

not a moment not a while

she is married, bore a child

growing old, growing older all the time

and she cries

a whining sound slips from her mouth

trapped in here and no way out

wait a while - wait a while

mommy's pills will bring you to the other side

wait a while - wait a while

daddy's razor-blades will make you feel so fine

A.D.I.D.A.S

2009-09-29T12:27:00.000-07:00

I witness a stern and firm Derriere

My interest is sparked starting there

It grows similar to her hair that I fantasize tugging

I see her skin which is made out of silk I imagine caressing and hugging

What a beautiful bust

Another thing of hers that I lust

I wonder how wonderful she must smell

And how beautiful she must taste

Without haste

I envision her in lingerie made of lace

And her mounting me in a forceful way

We fornicate from night until day

I embrace her body as if it were my own

I wonder what it sounds like when she moans

What does her face look like when she embraces all of me inside of her?

All day I dream about sex

However what is next

I am tired of lusting

I am feeling vexed

I want a woman I cannot resist

I want love not just sex

I want more nothing less

Here comes walking by another vixen

And once again I urge for a fixin

But I must digress

From what is under her dress

If I am ever going to find the women of my dreams

A task which is unreal to me as it seems

I must keep hope alive that love exists

I am not a sexual deviant just a human

An emphasis on the “man”

Falling For Her

2009-09-23T22:57:00.001-07:00

A September gust awakens my lust for her
As the cool air tussles my hair
I notice her extensive locks as well
That changed in color almost unnoticeably
Even though I notice her
                                     Every day of my life
An autumn brown coiffure with highlights that emphasize
The sky
             The ground
                                Everywhere

All around

I guess that is the reason why it is called fall

I am falling in love with her all over again

This is where our summer fling comes to an end

And a new season of love begins

Is it time?

2009-09-23T15:52:00.000-07:00

What is this that I see?

I can hardly believe!

Could this be merely a dream?

Or perhaps possibly a mirage?

A facade I thought that I saw?

How can I tell if it is real?

Does it cry?

Does it feel?

Does it hurt?

Does it heal?

Does it know how to deal?

In a world for the wicked and ill

Because I can die

I can laugh

I can hurt

I can cry

I can try

All in the blink of an eye

But I think at long lasting

I can finally stop fasting

And love myself enough for you to love me in return

Could it be?

Is it time?

Did I see?

Did I find?

The love my life?

Be Mi Amor

2009-09-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

Be mi amor
It is you I cherish and adore
Evermore—everlasting
You can capture me grasping
To a picture you used to adorn
The mantel right atop our inglenook
Where we sat and chatted
Shared a laugh, shed a tear and nothing mattered
Now my heart I feel has shattered
On the floorboards my spirit scattered
As I sit in home and hearth
And with every dying ember wrought its love upon the floor
A yearning fire still burning with desire and amor
With a love that echoes throughout the course of the ages
The story is told but in no way changes
Since that is what fairy tales are for
A fire still burning with desire and amor
We have reached the anticlimactic segment of our tale
Where we have parted and hearts are frail
But the temperate blaze is nearly merely calming
Soon enough I feel the sun is dawning
As I sit in a reservoir of tears with no more laughter—no more cheer
The only thing which keeps me breathing hereafter
Is my hope that floats above the rafters
Hope that the story ends with me and you
Fairy tales can come true
A fire keeps burning with desire and amor

Got To Get Up

2009-09-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

You got to get up—to get down
I have been around town and as ugly as that sounds
Not a tear hit the grown
Ever since I could remember 20 years ago come this December
Still burns my soul like the embers of an everlasting winter
I consider myself a sinner, I consider myself a beginner
Because we have only just begun to scratch the surface of what I have done
What happened before is now over I was so young
The past is history
The future is an untold story of fortune fame and glory
The present is a gift
One I cherish with every kiss

Every moment I missed from closing my eyes
Each mornings sunrise and every happy surprise
All the times I spent feeling alive
One of these days I will arrive
So mother wipe those tears from your eyes
I never meant to make you cry
Just like you never meant to lie
Even though I feel like I could die
I ask myself what this world would be like

Without me by its side
I ask u to tell me why

You even associate with this type of guy
Never liked the person that I was

Or the person that I became
Never liked my name

It is a crying shame and a lie
When I tell u I do not cry
Because I cry and I die

All in the same span of time
I am only a mere mortal

With a portal wide open to my soul
A hole to my heart that was torn apart from the start

By everyone I know
I died long time ago

But I still continue to grow old
As I long for a chance to grab a hold
Of something I have been missing
Since the beginning I have longed for kisses
That were meant and sent
From the lips of an angel who is not perfect
But is worth it just like me
I know she is out there

Waiting to see the look in my eyes
When my love has arrived
There is something inside of me that I feel
You are real

The Night

2009-09-18T12:53:00.000-07:00

I rise with the afternoon a moment much too soon

Open my eyes to a blinding light
With not the slightest idea what occurred last night

I feel the night

A hazy, blurry mess that was over before it began but I know I will do it again

I smell of the night

Liquor, cigarettes and cologne is the aroma which I cannot break away from

I taste of the night

Stale from the environment that I do not fret

I hear the night

I listen to the sounds that are muffled now more than before I ever swore

No more!

I see the night

I look in the mirror and I cannot recall who I am glaring at

No matter how hard I try

I always turn into that guy

Wake up with a girl who I do not even know

Wake up with a wound I cannot explain

Wake up with a pain that I bare to no one but myself

I sit bare in the shower

For a couple of hours

Try to clean this mess of a person

No matter how hard I scrub the night never comes off

Worst part of all is that this does not only occur at night

I call it night because I am in the dark

Para Ti

2009-09-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

Tú eres la razón para mi corazón

El solo motivo que tengo para amanecer con el sol

Mi único deseo es solamente un beso

Empiezo de tu cuello y bajo despacio a tu pecho

Mientras mi mano acaricia la piel de tu brazo

Espero que te sienta exhalar

Y en ese momento respiro tu alma

Tu amor a mi me llama

Del mar, al desierto y hasta el cielo

Te sigo por toda mi vida

Hasta que ya no respire

Donde sea mi amor, ahí voy estar

while I sleep

2009-09-18T10:58:00.000-07:00

The nights I sleep the best I dream of you
close to me
as you exhale, I breathe you in
and instantly our hearts become one
right as you are about to fall asleep
I murmur how much you mean to me
every so often you awaken and ask me what I said
I respond with a kiss upon your forehead
you reply with a smile that stops the hands of time
and then I wake up to the sound of my alarm
with no one in my arms
could this be a dream?

Or a nightmare?

Fall or Rise?

2009-09-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to fall although some would much rather call it fail
But the thing about falling is you can rise once again and continue to scale
I am almost to the point where I might decide, not to rise but to wail
And drown in ale till I am inebriated and cannot recall
The pale man staring back in the mirror at all

Seems to be a pattern, the older I grow the more I grow sadder
I fear that at any moment I might no longer matter
Not only to you but matter to me, what is a matter with me?
Seems like I am living to die but I am dying to live
I wish I could feel like a child again

So tomorrow I will rise and continue to cry in the morning alone
But maybe my sorrow will somehow not see tomorrow
And I can finally smile for a while on my own
I think I might try to smile instead of cry
I do not think I can go on living to die—so maybe I will rise