Not Whole

Since the gumdrop caddied days of my home terrain

To the glimmering lights which strip me of a pain; bare and plain

I have not felt like others do

Or seen myself; the hole way through

 

From the bleak optimistic week of new old habits

Through the resurrection of a bunny rabbit

On to celebrating battles which were won by others dying

Let us trick or treat and keep on lying

Past the changing of the season

Now my only fleeing reason

Always back to mid December

I alone

For as long as I can tranquilly remember

I have not felt like others do

Or seen myself; the hole way through

Love & Lies

Lips of love and lies

Carry through it drenched skies and eyes

Please…

My sweet Dear

Why don’t whisper in my ear, all the things I so do fear

Say it for me, ever so softly

Please…

Once again you love and lie as we begin

As we sin

Over and over again

My oldest best friend

I trust you will defend me or at least pretend

Please…

Don’t lie to me

Please….

X

This is just your sweet revenge

I want your face to cry

I need to haunt you like you haunt me

Yet if I am still alive

Go ahead and take my life

But don’t you ever forget a word I cried

You will be there in the night

I will be by your side

It might be a dream but at least I can hold you tight

I cannot seem to comprehend

How can I carry on?

This is not the way this story is suppose to end

I still need you all the time

I howl your name in the dark

I wish I could let you go

Significant

I feel the sun blanket over me

Another day—has come my way

I breathe in slow and so deep inside

Then suddenly—I am here to stay

I wipe the night from my tired gaze

All other days—are placed so far away

I count my blessings and say a prayer of hope

Please bring us peace—is what I pray



Every day is so magnificent

This is so significant

I am so happy to see… today

Tears of Mine

Tears are falling endlessly like waterfalls from heavens sky

The rain gathers all together in the desert where I wonder why

It took so long but at long last I spread my wings and learned to fly

Tears of sadness and of joy a mixture of these days gone bye

I smile while I softly weep it comforts me like homemade apple pie

Sunny days and dark filled nights that separate my conscious thoughts

I dream of purple lullabies that sing the songs my mother taught

With lovely little lady bugs which wear precious pendant on their dots

I sit atop a mountain peek with rainbow colored lollipops

My face appears and it is clear that all this time it is me I sought

Glowing amber majesties surrounds my being with a million smiles

And all the while my love and happiness begins to thrive and form a pile

Miles high into the sky and my tears of pain and joy I comprehend were just a test and trial

I can see my face again I take the world in with smile so new and versatile

That now my love can finally dial up to me and you will see that waiting was all worthwhile

Destroying me

Sometimes I would just rather be,

Not me!

Not I…

Sometimes I would just rather die

It is hard enough to love myself

So why would anybody else?

I am afraid it is me,

It is me—it is just me

No one else—just me

My fault

My Burden

My fate

I am the problem

The trouble

The cause of my pain

What have I become?

Transform?

I wish I would

But I never could

And I never will

Only I

A very lonely guy

Look and see

I too bleed and breathe

And I can feel my heart beat

Although

I do not think that I am actually really alive

I am the problem

I am broken

Today :)

I hope that this day—today

Treats you better than any day before in every single way

And everything you do and everything you say

Today; is the day!



Breathe in the day with a deep gasp

And exhale the past

Because today is your day

You own this point in time and space

Make a decision to seize the day, post-haste



Laugh until you shed a tear

Hold a loved one near and dear

Sing the words you want the world to hear

Smile, because today is the day



Live your life and let love

Give and you shall receive thereof

We can all be one

Today is the greatest day you have yet to realize

Rise up—today is your day, up up and away




If it so happened to be that today

is not the day

there is always tomorrow

When I Die

Someday I will most certainly die

I hope today is not my day to bid you goodbye

If it is, then I am—I am ready to meet the sprit in the sky

Who can know when the time is to be, I cannot say

Hopefully I will be in a ripe old age with a book on a page that reads

"Everything will be okay"

Or to sacrifice my being for the life of another is a gift I can present

I would die for a chance to let you live and anything else I can give

All I ask of you is to please not lament

What if tragedy were to occur

I would prefer to survive long enough to kiss you goodbye

The fade away to a blur

Never could I foresee suicide as a means to an end

Then again—I never said

Is there such a thing as heaven or hell?

I cannot confirm nor deny

Never been, never seen

All I know is when I die bury me and plant a tree

So I can still feel a cool summer breeze

1+1=2

When I wake up

I take up a moment

To remind myself

That everything will be alright

All day long

And all night

I try

I find myself

I smile

I laugh alone a while

I live

I love

I think of you

Thinking of me

And hopefully someday what could be

You and me

And it makes me smile

Makes me smile



In the meanwhile

I keep a smile

For miles

And miles

And miles

And miles

I breathe

I learn

I yearn for you

And your lovely smile

And it’s all worthwhile

Just to see you smile

See you smile



If I could see you smile

I know

I’ll grow

I believe

In me

I trust

In you

1+1 equals 2

And that makes me smile

Call on me

Let’s both see

How lovely

Life could be

If you just smiled for me

Misfit

I am just a misfit; please ask me if I care

I feel so ugly and alone as I drag this comb across my hair

I look at you staring back at me and I don’t know how to feel

I wish I had something more than this, to make things seem for real

I sense that I am not really here at least that is my fear

I wash my face and hope that I will somehow reappear

I am just a misfit; please ask me if I care

I feel the world is against me as I settle on what to wear

I can’t take any more of this, please make it go away

I need to find a reason why I take the time to stay

I want to feel alive again without having to ache

I want to feel alive again without having to fake

I am just a misfit; please ask me if I care

I take a long deep breath and say a final prayer

I look outside and see the sunrise for me one final time

I know the sun has set on me but I finally feel sublime

You never asked me if I cared

I care more than you were ever aware

Now it’s too late

Fine

I lie when you ask me

Almost every time

About everything

I sigh when I’m breathing

And I don’t know the reason why

I try not to breath

I cry just so I can feel

I smile just to hide

It hurts but it works

I try but I fall short

I collapse and stay down

I frown on the ground

I died if you knew me

I am gone but I am still here

I need you to need me